Writing Update 11-21-14

Sorry I haven’t been writing as much as I used to.  Work is getting hectic (I work retail) and my family is going crazy again (just in time for the holidays).  I don’t know.  I feel like all my spare time is spent distracting myself long enough to be busy again.  To put it all shortly:

-I somehow made friends with the people I work with.

-I now have a best friend and she’s pregnant (best part: its not mine).

-My nephews basketball season has started and I’ve somehow not missed a single game so far.

-And I kind of sort of have a crush on this cashier I work with and wow I’m crazy.

-I really need to give Brian some money for the server again.

-Basketball is happening all over the world right now!

 

I never knew having friends felt this good.  Its like family but they don’t all hate you for existing in relation to them.  I love my family, I love my friends, I love myself I guess.

I miss writing.

I want to write boring stuff no one cares about.

I want to write about a cute girl who eats frosting from the tube and sings along to Mike Posner songs.

I want to write about coffee and snow (I hate coffee tho).

I want to write about people in charge being good people somehow.

I want to write about Christmas.

God, for the first time in my life I think I want to be happy.

I don’t know why.

But for the time being I’m just going to roll with all of this and see what happens in my life.

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Summer

If I could see the summer field

With the breeze at my back

I could explain every which way you make me feel

An endless summer

The warm beach that we can’t remember the name of

Sunburns fade but we don’t forget

And you are just someone stuck on my mind

Another annual season to add to my list

Fall

Winter

Spring

And now you

My beating sun

Scorched skin turning a golden brown

Warm embrace that will burn me up

But these thoughts of you shine right thru me

And everyone that sees me can tell I’m living an endless summer

My feverish forehead and quick beating heart

Just another August day taking its toll on me

Not a cloud in the sky

Only you

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More Stupid Words

My depressive bit of everything exists inside of me daily without end and should be reread again and again this way.

And the only known fact about me that matters is this.

I’m perfectly fine this way.

And I only say this for my own well being, but that goes without saying.

If I need a reminder its that sometimes I’m happy and sometimes I’m not.

I’m usually ok when I’m not.

And anytime I’m happy is just a bonus bit of living.

We all have some sort of natural gear we always fall into.

Like a car in 2nd or a bird that only glides.

I know this sounds stupid.

But I feel most myself in neutral.

At peace without a smile.

And completely happy with myself in a quiet room.

I don’t feel lonely.

I feel like the situation leaves me completely free to act as much as myself as I possibly can without ever being judged.

I can dance.

I can sing.

I can never move for 3 hours.

And I’ll still be me.

I guess when I smile I’m usually not happy for myself but for other people.

And that’s ok too.

Life is ok, I guess.

I enjoy it at least.

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This is still stupid

When are you going to take me away

Pick me up and tell me everything is going to be ok

I feel like it all disappeared the other day

I’ve been asked many times to go out and travel the world

But I really like it here

I really like this town

And I really like you

The cold is coming swiftly with each passing night

Shorter days warning us of onslaught

Soon the sky will fall

And we will find safety in those who can breathe fire

Those who spit harsh truth and rash anger

Warm up my body in the depths of December with all your rough edges

Save me with passion before you kill me with your love

Another day is all I ask

I’ll live in the short moments of right now

Its all I’ll ever need

You were always enough for me

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I really don’t want to title this because I

At night when it gets so cold

But I’m down to a worn out t-shirt

And my skin still steams with the embarrassment

The notion of impossible

Which put me here in this moonless parking lot

I’m going to write this down once I find home

Rewrite the scribbles off of my arms

Beat back the misconception of my once planned thoughts

Its stupid to talk like this

But stupid is being what I am

I’m going to stop now

This petty scene can have me now

I’m going to disappear now

Right off the words on this

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Love It

Sell me paper airplanes and an endless daydream

Out past midnight because mom and dad aren’t around no more

I’m resting, I’m sleeping, your the only vision I’m seeing

I love it

I love it

I love it

Every single second of you is like air

And I can’t stop breathing you every chance I get

The curve of your lips

Tilting your head just a bit when I talk

I’m stuck on this passion

And nothing can take this thought of you away

I love it

I love it

I love it endlessly

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Thank You

Take a moment and lean against me

With every little whisper I’ll give you a reason to believe in me

And tonight it will be just you and me

Its really easy to say what I’m thinking

Especially when I’m on the brink of breaking

But she knows

Oh she knows

Every bit of me is consumed by her

My current thought is only of her

Both arms wrapped around her

And she knows I’m scared

With all of life that I can’t bare

Through the weather I’ll be fair

In the end

I won’t break, I’ll just bend

Tell me to close my eyes and count to ten

And I’ll only see you

I’ll know I’m only for you

Sometimes I need to close my eyes and just kiss you

 

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Something Stupid

I love how you forget yesterday

Get lost in another new day

Walking every which way

Just to escape this constant numbness

Its straight forward assault on the inside of your skull

You’re not spontaneous or special

You’re just scared of what will happen if you stop moving

I am asleep at the wheel

Looking for last night’s dream

If it was of you

Then let it never escape

I need the thought of you inside of me

It can blow back and forth

Pushing my heart against my chest

But I won’t let this love leave me

I caught something wild

And now its apart of me

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Dumb Things

I was watching this empty space after work.

The quiet blank overly vacant parking lot.

I’ve settled on a few things in life.

But those aren’t important right now.

The space above me.

The breeze passing by.

And the hard ground I sit upon.

I don’t really wonder what’s going on.

I just know its happening.

I’m here.

You aren’t.

I’ve said this before.

But I don’t know what I want anymore.

 

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Often (again)

The death of me will be the next unrequited love.

The next cliff I freely walk off of.

Escape is freedom but destination is my end.

I see you ahead of me singing a siren’s song.

One more smile I’ve lost myself to.

I walk and I walk.

This park is so dark but around the next corner I still hear your voice.

Inching me along to obvious doom.

But I love it.

I love knowing.

I love the fall.

I love all the broken pieces of me.

But I don’t love you as much as I love me.

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