Beads: Second Part

“I’m alive” said the man.

And all that existed turned and stared.

“And I’m more then I once was” he said while raising his head up.

Now the world bows before him.  Stopping all of nature to acknowledge him.  Every being showing reverence for the dead now risen.  When all was silent the world began to spin again.  The praise passing in seconds.

Life almost started right where we left off.

Then the lightest whisper was spoken.

“I missed you”

Shattering the ground beneath him

***

“I missed you” echoed into forever.  Bouncing off of every corner of his mind.  Reaching into his very soul and crushing everything.

“I am more” he spoke strongly.

“I missed you” echoed again.  Shaking every bone in his body.

“I am alive!” he shouted to the sky.

Silence.

But only for the moment.

“I missed you” echoed, shaking the ground around him.  Knocking him over in the process.

“I am alive” he stated strongly while standing up.

“I love you John”

“No” he spoke.

“I love you Dan”

“No” he replied.

“I love you Sean”

“Are you trying to kill me” he whispered back while clenching his fists.

“No, I just-”

“STOP!” Sean yelled while punching the wall.

She smiled to herself.

Sean fell against the wall and down to the ground.  Blood marking the wall as he clawed for life.

The night air filled with his sobbing.

“I love you Sean” she said while turning the page.

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Writing Practice 7-19

1.

I love every second of you

Every endless hour of love

Each creeping minute

Tomorrow is another chance to love you

And it’s amazing how time flies

(This was a bad one to start with but I’ve been writing these on my ipod.  So I’m going from top to bottom and this was the last one I wrote.)

2.

Girl I do this often

I see you when I sleep

The sun never goes away

Sometimes I close my eyes

You’re my solar eclipse

 

And here comes the sun

3.

I don’t like having people watching me eat.  I don’t like when people see the food I buy.  If I finally leave my childhood home I look forward to the original start of my life.  For whatever it may hold I know I can do it better this way.  I should commit to a more basic life.  I’m not sure though.  At least a cleaner one.  I should do whatever I can to get further in life.  I need better.  I’m running out of time.

4.

Dear god I love you and I don’t know why

The way you bite your lip before saying my name

Your legs against mine at 3 AM

When you tell me about your day and don’t mind answering all my dumb questions

You hate the sunrise but love the sunset

(I hate/kinda love rereading dumb stuff I wrote.  They always sound horrible.  But it still amazes me how I still at least enjoy a few lines I wrote.)

5.

She walked suddenly and without hesitation into my life.

“Get out the way!” she screamed as she shoved me into next week.  A goddess in a pair of rollerblades.

I could wax whimsically for hours about her but all I’ll say are these three simple words.

“She was perfect”.  And at that exact moment she rollerbladed into the side of the library.

Forever taking the air out of my lungs.

(I still wish I pointed out mid story about how I said walked when she was roller blading.  I want to use rollerblade as one word but my computer keeps telling me I’m stupid. )

6.

What is more standing then you.  More beautiful.  More needed.  I demand the night never leave.  Because nothing is more wanted then the lack of space between us.

Bonus:

I was just thinking randomly while writing (well copying them from my ipod onto my computer) these out.  I remember growing up and walking around a lot late at night.  Way back this weird thing happened.  I had a bad day at work (big news as of almost 2 years ago: I got a job).  And decided to go on a walk.  Someone from work was driving by and noticed me and stopped there car in the middle of the road to talk to me.

I was like as young as 12 walking around late at night.  No one ever noticed me before.  Sometimes I had to disappear when I saw strange cars notice me.  But that’s about it.  No one ever actually cared.

But now I have this job.  I see people every week.  And they saw me walking and stopped to notice me.  I don’t know how I feel about that.

I don’t like it.

I have this long standing hatred of the world not noticing when it mattered most.  And then noticing later on after I’ve moved on to the point I can take care of myself.  Like I’ll step in now that I don’t have to do any work.

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Winter Stuff

I miss winter

Cold glaring sun

No warmth for the world

Beating wind

Air freezing against you

Each second an attempt to stop you from moving

Slow death

We don’t heat up

I know nothing but dark clouds

Sundays that never stop

And the way you won’t hold my hand

Yesterday was better

I guess I like it this way

My numb lips and frozen fingertips

Standing in the dead of winter

Hoping it never says never

And leaves far too soon

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This Is It

I need to write or draw or something.  The problem with drawing is I only have time at “work” and my hands are all messed up at work so its a waste of time to try and draw.  And all I can really do is off center poor graphical design.  Writing right now is all messed up for me.  I’m not sure whats wrong with me to be honest.  I have a lot of messy personal things going on with me right now (involving work).  But its really dragging me down mentally.

I’m worn out all the time.  I don’t think I’m going through a depression.  Maybe its seasonal.   I would be the only person to have summer seasonal depression.  I don’t feel very happy lately.  Not lonely, almost bored.  I’m upset with my life.  Downtrodden against doing anything about it also.

I have no real goal.  Have enough money not to have problems.  The last goal was to get my career moving some.  But that has stalled out for the time being.  Right below the position that would give me the experience I need.  Its very upsetting.

If I can talk horrible about myself for a moment.  I mean for like the first 6 months of this job I didn’t have running water.  For half of last winter I didn’t have heat.  I am killing myself for this job.  And I can’t even get the experience.  I hope it gives me a heart attack because I don’t have it in me to quit something I’m good at.

Time Ghost is best ghost.

This is the plan.  What I’m doing is the plan.  I am currently stalled because I’ve somehow put myself in a position where I do so much work it affects my ability to move forward.  I don’t know how that’s possible but I made it possible.  I did that create your job thing and now I can’t get out of it.

Writing is such a ehhhh subject right now.  On one hand I want to have like a 5 day period where I’m locked into a room and forced to write.  But I’m also worried I won’t actually get shit done.

I need to sleep so I can be on proper schedule for the job that doesn’t like me.

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This Is Stupid

I cut my hand the other day

While trying to cut with a knife the words I wrote the other day

It was just another day

Like all the other days

But this day bled red like no other day

I was stuck with a cut that day

The scar still stings my skin today

If today was yesterday

If I believed in doctors like I did back in the day

Would today be another day

Or just like any other day

Two sides to each day

I had two cuts the other day

We don’t talk about that cut on that day

Because we forget some days

While trying to remember all the other days

 

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Not Different

They say you love me

They say tomorrow is another day

They say the sky is falling

But I know better to believe the words of the-

Wow I really don’t know where this was going.  Or what I’m writing anymore.  I lose my mental state every other month it seems and I can’t keep anything consistent.

I can’t is something I’m OK with saying.

But still-

The city was dark at this time of night.  One of those mid-western places with family values and a hundred churches.  Everything closed before 11 PM unless it was something revolving around “approved” debauchery.

Where we boycott strip clubs and politely ask the dirty bars to keep the noise down

Where we goto church and talk about helping the less fortunate.  But approve laws and regulations to get rid of the homeless.

Just a normal American city.

“And how I hate it” I say to myself while I finally jimmy open the car I’m trying to steal.

-Its not like I forgot how to write simple things like that.   Just too much conflict in my life and not enough time to escape it.

I’m sure in a week it’ll be better.  And a week after that I’ll be where I started.  Today is horrible.  Yesterday was horrible. Tomorrow will be horrible too.  But its nothing different.

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Almost Over

The sun is coming up

I’m still dreaming

Touch

Sound

All of you

In every way conceivable

I never want to stop

Feeling every inch of bare skin

Every syllable that drips off your tongue

My name the sweetest sound

The softest bed

The warmest breeze

Pushing me closer to you

Crumpled makings of a once made bed

All I never wanted

Was all I ever needed

Tattoo it on my body

My passion is endless

I’ll pass out before I stop loving you

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Sky

The world is upside down

And slowly comes the comet to take it back

Take back the water

Take back the sun

Take back the life that was just an accident

I’m falling

The world is starting to riot

Its on fire

Our star is coming down

One at a time

Will drown before we burn

One last night sky

One last gravity ridden day

Can you do it

Ask those simple questions

Ease the pain

I’ll take you

Fall away with me

You’ll never see the end of the day with me

Its endless

And you’ll be all I ever know

 

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Tell A Lie

If you love me

Tell me you love me

If you hate me

Tell me you hate me

I just want to hear something

From somebody

From anybody

Tell the sky to rain down on me

I don’t care if its winter

I don’t care if its summer

I need to feel life dripping across my bare skin

One way or another

I will drown before I turn 35

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Never Mind The Nonsense

Never mind me

Never mind the dreams

Never mind the clouds

Never mind the sky

I’m just a crumbling bit of earth that learned to walk and talk

My skin hurts

Its late but I’m not sleepy

God, I miss you so much

I won’t even admit it to myself

The moon misses the sun

The stars miss the night sky

Oh how I miss you

We will never love in the end

But I miss you again and again

Grass grows too fast

At what point in my childhood

At what point in my life

I think it was yesterday

I started hating you

My music is way too loud

My life is way too cliche

I like long walks at 3 AM

And skipping breakfast every single day

I’m ok with not being ok

Because to me I’m perfectly ok

I wish I could paint

Or draw

Instead I pretend I can write

And scribble nonsense on this page

My days grow longer

My heart does not grow fonder

Ponder

Ponder

If only we could wander

Where the stars touch tiny hands

And heaven is only a reach of my hand to yours away

 

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