I murdered my passion late one night behind my house.
Hoping no one would find it again.
I wouldn’t miss it.
I may of needed it but it did more harm then good.
I’m dying for a long walk going nowhere.
I need to go nowhere.
I need to walk in circles.
GOD, I NEED TO ESCAPE.
I want to be stranded in an empty parking lot.
I want to be broke.
I want to starve.
I want to sleep in the back seat of my car.
I guess I have a new dream.
The best part of nothing is the complete and utter emptiness it can provide for you.
Heaven is a place with no pain but here I still stand.
As tall as the distant mountain.
I feel out of inspiration. Gas tank on empty. Head devoid of thought to be trite.
Not much is happening personally right now. Walking thru the motions instead of falling. Not entirely fighting for air for once. Not really bored though.
A calm before or after the storm. I never say this but it feels like after the storm. Like suddenly adulthood settled over me. Nothing crazy will ever burn me alive again.
This level of calmness from me is eerie as fuck. I’m alive and existing without a certain level of constant struggle.
I feel like the consistent pounding of a tennis ball against a brick wall. I’m pushing at nothing but it doesn’t pain me or even bother me.
Maybe this mood will disappear out of nowhere and I’ll be back to death.
Maybe it won’t and the world will keep on going.
Maybe I’ll fall on the ground and stare up at the sky and laugh forever and ever.
Maybe I’ll take that 3 day vacation and travel to nowhere just for fun.
Blame the music.
Blame the album.
But I’m just in a daze and I can’t stop myself from being happy any longer.
I lost myself to the sound of you
The pounding of your chest
And the beating of your footsteps
I heard you around the corner last night
Singing away the sad song I can no longer remember
Something about an empty heart
And a flower that refuses to bloom
I heard your voice
And suddenly the world was silent
Only the sound of your breathing could be heard late at night
Letting us drift away from the oncoming sunrise
My music is your life
And it plays on repeat
My words come from a burning tree.
My thoughts come from an empty room.
I’m pleading with the sky to leave me alone.
But here I stand.
Here I lay upon the cold hard ground.
With fits of rage.
And all the pain the world has ever given me.
Dying here in front of it all.
Sometimes I forget how much I hate myself.
It escapes me.
I could stab my own arm if I fall far enough.
I don’t even hate this feeling.
It gives me meaning.
Meaning in pain.
Meaning to my hell.
I love how much I hate myself.
And thats ok.
I got a feeling like a vacant parking lot in my chest.
I caught myself trying to be happy for a moment today before my soul crushing depression washed that little thought away.
I fell so hard all I could see was the night sky.
I dreamed of cloudless skies and endless sleep.
I dreamed of teeth.
I dreamed of hell.
I have this constant dread inside of me.
Worst of all I dreamed of you. Its cliche but this dream has become a nightmare. I’ve seen heaven and I’ve seen hell. But nothing compares to the pure ecstasy that was you.
I saw this blank space hovering above me
Bathed in shadows
And trapped in this single thought
Portrayed with words
Expressed with simple little idiocies
Its 2 AM
I can’t sleep
I feel lost
I feel tired
I feel as if nothing can happen if I stay like this
All I can think about is silence
Trite words for early mornings
My life is a treadmill
I hate that I wrote that last line
Boredom is escape
And it will take me far far away
I’m not in love
And its taking all I got
To pretend I’m OK
When I’m really not
This is as honest I can be
I fall apart all the time still
I hate it
I keep pretending
I hate it
I hate it
I hate myself most of all
Because I took a wrong turn and I keep looking back wondering if it would still work if I kept going
I hate all these words I just wrote
I hate me more then I’ll ever hate you
It pains me
And that’s all I’ll admit to
I’ll turn to greater punishment
Just to forget you
Found a working computer. Hiatus slightly less over. I mean I’m too busy to write. but I’ll let you read this thing.
I belong to another sleepless night
I belong to another early morning
I belong to this sad idea of growing older
Here I am
The same broken man I was yesterday
Singing the same sad song to an empty room
I could be a drifting daydream
A falling star
Or the bated breath of a love struck loser
All I know
All I am
Is just the smallest part of what I could be
Hiatus till I find a working computer.