There’s a riot in my heart. Burning buildings and tear gas flowing through me every night. I’m protesting my love. And I’m afraid I’m about to hurt myself over you. March myself outside and put my hands behind my head. I’m guilty of an unrequited love. Give me 5 years to clean my body of you. Maybe 3 years if I’m good. This riot is the tipping point. I won’t stand for this injustice in my heart anymore.
(wrote this and then hated it because it was beyond cliche. But I still like it for some reason.)
I love her.
Why is that so difficult to say.
I love them in the way you want to walk in a park with someone.
That deep feeling you have to spend the day with them.
You have biggest imaginable desire to just talk with them.
That’s how much I love them.
Her mere presence brings me this euphoria that I find impossible to describe.
Not quite heaven, but I feel like there are clouds involved.
A perfect circle a mile in the sky.
All I can hear is her voice and its talking aimlessly.
I reach nirvana every time I see you smile.
When she’s happy, I’m happy.
She needs to be loved.
Not because I’m infatuated to the point of insanity.
But because she is such a good person that her existence alone demands the greatest the world can offer.
And she should be awarded for being alive and being the wonderful person she is.
(But I think I’m just crazy and love struck. Cupid has arrows but I think he used a heat seeking love missile on my heart.)
((I love a lot of people in many different ways and I think its the most awkward thing. I’m sorry.))
I see the sound of the color grey.
Neutral sound all around.
I could exist.
I could even jump a little higher.
But there’s this hill right next to me.
And its so easy to just lay down and roll away.
And let my life turn into trash.
Letting gravity do all the work.
I’ve rolled too far down this hill.
Standing up and walking back to the top will take too much effort.
Its not so bad down here at the bottom.
The ground is kind of soft and it only smells slightly of rotten fish.
If I close my eyes its all ok.
Soon it will pass.
And I will sink into the ground.
Like all the trash around my withering body.
Existence itself is taking a tole on me.
I wish it would just stop.
(This is how I feel about myself physically I guess. Its like that 9th level of depression hell that is tattooed to my body permanently. I keep telling myself that I’m waiting for the right reason to care. But I think I’m just forever lazy.)
G:Hey, I wanted to watch a movie tonight but I don’t know what to watch. Any ideas?
B: I really love this movie called **** *******. If you can find it you should watch it. Or I could lend it to you next time I see you.
G: What’s it about, is it an indie movie or something?
B: Its not indie. Its about this guy who wakes up in this European country with no memories. But he like has to save the world or something.
G: Sounds cool. If I can’t find it I’ll let you know.
B: Cool, thx.
(Somebody the other day said its really hard to talk to people. And I’m like a level 56 introvert who has trouble speaking ((like I slur my words and stutter)). BUT I still find it possible to talk to people normally.)
((Well this is the end of talk time with Justin. 1 actual bit of writing. 1 me hiding my feelings behind a fake art piece of writing. And 1 mini fake story about how easy it is to start pointless small talk with strangers.))
((( Oh and a delightful look into my weight and eating issues.)))