Today

I murdered my passion late one night behind my house.

Hoping no one would find it again.

I wouldn’t miss it.

I may of needed it but it did more harm then good.

I’m dying for a long walk going nowhere.

***

I need to go nowhere.

I need to walk in circles.

GOD, I NEED TO ESCAPE.

Runaway.

I want to be stranded in an empty parking lot.

I want to be broke.

I want to starve.

I want to sleep in the back seat of my car.

I guess I have a new dream.

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In My Dark Time It Was All I Could Be

The best part of nothing is the complete and utter emptiness it can provide for you.

Heaven is a place with no pain but here I still stand.

As tall as the distant mountain.

I feel out of inspiration.  Gas tank on empty.  Head devoid of thought to be trite.

Not much is happening personally right now.  Walking thru the motions instead of falling.  Not entirely fighting for air for once. Not really bored though.

A calm before or after the storm.  I never say this but it feels like after the storm.  Like suddenly adulthood settled over me.  Nothing crazy will ever burn me alive again.

This level of calmness from me is eerie as fuck.  I’m alive and existing without a certain level of constant struggle.

I feel like the consistent pounding of a tennis ball against a brick wall.  I’m pushing at nothing but it doesn’t pain me or even bother me.

Maybe this mood will disappear out of nowhere and I’ll be back to death.

Maybe it won’t and the world will keep on going.

Maybe I’ll fall on the ground and stare up at the sky and laugh forever and ever.

Maybe I’ll take that 3 day vacation and travel to nowhere just for fun.

Blame the music.

Blame the album.

But I’m just in a daze and I can’t stop myself from being happy any longer.

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Repeat

I lost myself to the sound of you

The pounding of your chest

And the beating of your footsteps

I heard you around the corner last night

Singing away the sad song I can no longer remember

Something about an empty heart

And a flower that refuses to bloom

I heard your voice

And suddenly the world was silent

Only the sound of your breathing could be heard late at night

Letting us drift away from the oncoming sunrise

My music is your life

And it plays on repeat

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Nothing Killed Me

My words come from a burning tree.

My thoughts come from an empty room.

I’m pleading with the sky to leave me alone.

But here I stand.

No.

Here I lay upon the cold hard ground.

With fits of rage.

And all the pain the world has ever given me.

Dying slow.

Dying here in front of it all.

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I Hate Myself

Sometimes I forget how much I hate myself.

It escapes me.

I could stab my own arm if I fall far enough.

I don’t even hate this feeling.

It gives me meaning.

Meaning in pain.

Meaning to my hell.

I love how much I hate myself.

And thats ok.

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I Am

I got a feeling like a vacant parking lot in my chest.

I caught myself trying to be happy for a moment today before my soul crushing depression washed that little thought away.

I fell so hard all I could see was the night sky.

I dreamed of cloudless skies and endless sleep.

I dreamed of teeth.

I dreamed of hell.

I have this constant dread inside of me.

Worst of all I dreamed of you.  Its cliche but this dream has become a nightmare.  I’ve seen heaven and I’ve seen hell.  But nothing compares to the pure ecstasy that was you.

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August Junk

I saw this blank space hovering above me

Bathed in shadows

And trapped in this single thought

Portrayed with words

Expressed with simple little idiocies

Silence

Its 2 AM

I can’t sleep

I feel lost

I feel tired

I feel as if nothing can happen if I stay like this

***

All I can think about is silence

Trite words for early mornings

My life is a treadmill

I hate that I wrote that last line

Boredom is escape

And it will take me far far away

***

I’m not in love

I’m alive

And its taking all I got

To pretend I’m OK

When I’m really not

This is as honest I can be

I fall apart all the time still

I hate it

I keep pretending

I hate it

I lie

I hate it

I hate myself most of all

Because I took a wrong turn and I keep looking back wondering if it would still work if I kept going

I hate all these words I just wrote

I hate me more then I’ll ever hate you

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It pains me

And that’s all I’ll admit to

I’ll turn to greater punishment

Just to forget you

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Found a working computer.  Hiatus slightly less over. I mean I’m too busy to write. but I’ll let you read this thing.

I belong to another sleepless night

I belong to another early morning

I belong to this sad idea of growing older

Here I am

The same broken man I was yesterday

Singing the same sad song to an empty room

I could be a drifting daydream

A falling star

Or the bated breath of a love struck loser

All I know

All I am

Is just the smallest part of what I could be

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Hiatus till I find a working computer.

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