Something Stupid

I love how you forget yesterday

Get lost in another new day

Walking every which way

Just to escape this constant numbness

Its straight forward assault on the inside of your skull

You’re not spontaneous or special

You’re just scared of what will happen if you stop moving

I am asleep at the wheel

Looking for last night’s dream

If it was of you

Then let it never escape

I need the thought of you inside of me

It can blow back and forth

Pushing my heart against my chest

But I won’t let this love leave me

I caught something wild

And now its apart of me

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Dumb Things

I was watching this empty space after work.

The quiet blank overly vacant parking lot.

I’ve settled on a few things in life.

But those aren’t important right now.

The space above me.

The breeze passing by.

And the hard ground I sit upon.

I don’t really wonder what’s going on.

I just know its happening.

I’m here.

You aren’t.

I’ve said this before.

But I don’t know what I want anymore.

 

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Often (again)

The death of me will be the next unrequited love.

The next cliff I freely walk off of.

Escape is freedom but destination is my end.

I see you ahead of me singing a siren’s song.

One more smile I’ve lost myself to.

I walk and I walk.

This park is so dark but around the next corner I still hear your voice.

Inching me along to obvious doom.

But I love it.

I love knowing.

I love the fall.

I love all the broken pieces of me.

But I don’t love you as much as I love me.

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Today

Today is the day

Today is Monday

And today I’ll start the day by not dying

I’ll begin noon with a rush over the top of the tallest building

Falling through mid afternoon

Bathing under the warm setting sun

Waiting for the moon to come so I can burst

Into a trillion different stars

Waiting to fall down again

When tomorrow comes

And becomes today

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We Might As Well

I got rips in my jeans where my knees should be and cuts on my hands where words should be.  The sky is a bright shade of grey pouring down on me.

And she turns and says “Won’t you runaway with me”.

“We can escape this place.  Take you somewhere nice.  And you can forget all those names when you stare at my face.  I can be everything you ever wanted.”

If you close your eyes you can almost see every dream you’ve ever had.  The picnic table in the midwestern town.  The beach with your newly married wife.  Those nights that never ended while stuck to the idea of someone that never existed.

“If I was a wild animal I would be a bear.  Or some overly tenacious squirrel that refuses to leave the road when headlights are coming.” said the man aimlessly to the wall in front of him.

And against that wall leaned the most worn out person he had ever known.  She knew every fucking problem that was wrong with him.  But she still perched against the wall nearest to him waiting for the change.

“Why won’t you” she whispers.

He stared for a moment, conveying his thoughts perfectly.

Its because he can’t change who he is.  Broken is who he is.

Broken is how he will stay.

The cracked ribs and torn up fingertips will never go away.

Nor will the scar on the back of his neck.

“I am who I am.  Forged by the trauma of yesterday.  I will take my broken pieces forward with me.  Making sure nothing falls from my bindle.   Every bit of my poor self is worth saving.”

The rain falls because I’m ok.  No matter how hurt I may be I am ok.  No matter how ruined I am I’ll be ok.  I find acceptance in my pain.

“Don’t worry, everything is going to be ok.”

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Stupidly Interesting

Please come invade my space

Overtake my body

Own my bed and make it yours

I dream of being under your gleaming glare

Eyes that only shine at night

I feel like a wolf is chasing me

My heart is pounding

Blood is rushing away from me

Just to escape your passion

I know you’ll consume me

In every second you’ll find a new inch of me

Playfully

Forcefully

Baring my honesty to your wicked lips

I hate how I love you

I won’t move from this spot

Within your reach

Closed in your arms

My love is radiating into you

When you hold me I know you’ll never let go

This warmth is my lifeline

And without it I am just an empty bed

I need

I yearn

Deeply for you

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Horrible Horribleness

What’s something I can write to impress you.

Some semi ironic made up words that make me seem cool but still overly pretentious.

Words that make you fall in love.

I need these.

This is the summer of love and this is my sonnet to my love.

All I am is words on this page.

My voice is endless and inadvertent.

I can put together a number or two.

Give me a second or three.

And I can make this night be forever.

If I try a little bit.

Will you see me for what I wish I was.

Somebody worth spending countless nights with

Daydreaming against another cold bed.

You want more then I could ever give.

But I want to try and never stop.

I will fall and die before I give up on you.

We should give up on me.

I should give up on me.

I’m black lettering on a white page.

Trying make sense from this nonsense.

I am nothing more but want.

All my needs grow like weeds.

And baby I exist in a barren parking lot of cement.

Craving for a car to rip its tires against my skin.

I am empty and only yearn for beauty

Its kind of hot.

How I want you.

As I fall back against the cold ground

And stare up at only thoughts of you.

I think about all the lies I ever told.

If I was ever so bold.

To tell you all that I hold.

All the nights I got cold

And those thoughts of you took me away.

Helped me make it to the next day.

If the night can keep the sun at bay.

Then If I may convey.

You are beautiful in every way.

So please keep ignoring me.

My thoughts are far too free.

And I’m just a bird sitting in a tree.

Watching the sky.

Hoping that one day I’ll fly.

So if one day you have to say goodbye.

You can look back at all the words I never wrote.

And remember all the times I did dote.

I know I was a giant mope.

But I’m still a poet with nothing but endless words for you and can’t that be enough to express how I really feel about someone so beyond perfect it hurts me to think about how other people can’t see how truly amazing you are and all those thoughts you have that blow me away and I still can’t believe I met someone as amazing as you who lives her life as if its her life that doesn’t belong to the world around her.

***

You deserve the world.

And I only have the words on this page.

***

I know its never going to be enough.

But if you read this once.

Just know now you’ll live forever.

We look up at the sky and romanticize the stars but will never be able to truly bring them down to us.

 

(this was beyond stupid except for those 2 random lines of gold)

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It Got Away

Who wants you

Who loves you

Who’s going to be around when nobody needs you

Everything dictated by people

The spinning of the world caused by the pounding feet

Running a path to the other side

Kick up the dust

Take that road you’ve never known

Find that tomorrow

That ridiculous dream that can’t exist

And when you fall off the edge

Know it was the built up stress and anxiety that took you down

Not the smiles you loved

Or the people you couldn’t stop talking to

Nights that would never end

And thoughts you couldn’t control

Life got away from you

And it was the most beautiful mistake you ever made

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Beat Myself Up

Colors of the night sky

Painted on my legs and arms

Thoughts seeping from my open chest

My heart bleeds out for you

Like any other penniless thought

And pointless summer daydream

My life is now as meaningless as my love for you

I roll over in my sleep

Staring down at the stained mattress

I wonder

But I stop

I put myself here with those empty thoughts of you

Soundless dreams of me running thru another foggy city street

I can take something

Give nothing

But still expect everything

Aimless as the clouds

As stupid as I am profound

This existence has its up and downs

But I swear to god after tomorrow my feet will never touch the ground

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Toast To My Dreams

What do you do when the day runs away from you.

The onslaught of sun beats you down underneath your rock.

Locked inside till the night comes to take you.

I’ll dance till tomorrow.

Sing till I’m screaming.

And think about you till I’m dreaming.

The moon comes out just to pretend its the sun.

Shining like It’ll scare me all the same.

Mistaking jumps and yells for shakes and quivers.

I love you like I love you.

And I can’t stop thinking about all those times everything was perfect.

Today is the day I speak.

The day I write what I think.

I’ll read what I wrote.

And by the end you’ll know what I can’t say.

And regret all those days I never said a word.

But you’ll never lack for happiness from here on out.

Today is today.

And I love you with every passing second like the morning will never come.

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